Meeting God - My Experience

"Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling," (Philippians 2:12b)

I cannont find words that would reveal God's brilliance or his Glory. Oh to know how it will feel to be in the presence of God. People ask wether we will run or dance or stop dead in our tracks. 

I see it now, I fall to the ground with my head in my hands. For this is the first time I see God in his full glory. I see him for who he really is. I try to open my eyes but the light is unbearable. My fear sends me to my knees and my hands cover my eyes. I am unable to move a muscle. But then, I feel his breath. Cold. Fresh. Reviving. And his voice is bold, soft, powerful, and crystal clear. He welcomes me into his courts and picks me up with his sturdy hands. They feel soft and gentle, but i can tell he is stern and strong. He opens my eyes so that I can look at him without being overcome by his glory. It is perfect. A perfect embrace. Perfect submission. Everyone put in their correct place, Each man according to his deeds past. He takes my hand I walk with him through the kingdom which i know is prepared for us believers. Streets of Gold. Plants flowering with colors I've never seen nor imagined. Friends run past, welcoming me to my new home. Then God brings me to the highest point in the kingdom. A pinnacle of sorts. Located in the middle of the kingdom, it revealed every house, workshop, and bakery found in this Golden city. There is a bell in the center of the room. God tells me to take hold of the thick rope hanging from the top and give it a mighty tug. With a little bit of help I am able to make the golden instrument sing loud and clear, resonating throughout the entire Kingdom. Every being in Heaven, Angelic beings and those from earth, stopped to listen. Those on the streets were joined with those inside the many buildings. To my surprise, God raises his voice to address the entire Kingdom. "Today I welcome my Son, Jason." He gives me a new name that our language can not express, for it is more than a name but an emotion and a description in one. "This is my Kingdom," He says to me. "Welcome child. Go now, for they are waiting." Who? I think to myself… I am then ushered into a room with friends and family. These I remember, had an impact on me on earth. They were encouragers, beside me when I was hurting, they confronted me when I was in the wrong. The embraces were more than joyous. They were overwhelming. To the point that I could no longer stand. I am dressed in a new gown. And a feast, such that has never been described or seen or ever will be seen again, is prepared. I sat at the foot of the table and God himself sits opposite me at the head, his rightful position. Dozens of people sit on either side of our gaze. My best friends, my family, my mentors, the people close to me all ate and celebrated. I realize that outside, feasts are being held. For me? All of this for me? I have never felt so at home. I look at the great being across the table from me. The life of the party. The welcomer. The master. The King. He meets my gaze with his eyes piercing into the depths of my heart. I see him whisper something to me from across the table. No one else could hear his words but me. "I love you!"

Chaos

It's familiar, this place. I've come here often. Though not a physical location, I've visited quite frequently in the past. It is not necessarily a place of happiness, yet there is still joy somewhere in the depths of my heart. I do not dislike this place. However, it is anything but pleasant. I know this place because of my past encounters. In fact, I have asked to be here. I have cried out to be here. I have pleaded with God to bring me to this place. I am in a place of brokenness. A place of confusion. A place of mystery. A place of openness. My mind is swirling. It is a tornado, trying to tell me something. Information flies past me, but too fast. I am unable to grasp the sentence, not a phrase, not even a word. There is just feeling. There is no voice yet there's always noise. There is no determination, no drive. Yet there is a purpose. There is a being. There is, behind all the chaos, a directer, an orchestrator, a controller, the purpose. So I sit. I wait. I watch. I listen. I listen to the wind in my head. The constant swirl. The continuous data layering itself. But always, the constant swirl. 

So why here? Why plead for this location? Why cry out to be brought to a place of nothingness? 

I ask to be here because I want to be here. I ask for this because I know that it is, in it all, good. It's like asking for a spoonful of cough-syrrup. Not because it tastes good (because it doesn't), but because you know that you are broken and need fixing. This place is a place of fixing. I ask to be here not because it is pleasant or I enjoy the experience of confusion, but because I am, by nature, sinful and confused. I am put in my rightful place. I am sinful. I am chaos. So when I come, I wait. I wait for my director, my orchestrator to organize me. To take out or add to; to tear down or build up; to shake my foundation or strengthen it. He gives me purpose. Every time I am willing, my God has prevailed. He has met me here. He has been faithful. This is why I plead with God to bring me to this place. For my God will meet with me here. He will make me. He will shape me. He will give me purpose. He will make sense of my chaos. 

So I sit. I wait. I watch. I listen. 

I always listen.